In March 2015, astronaut Scott Kelly and cosmonaut Mikhail Kornienko embarked on a groundbreaking mission: a full year aboard the International Space Station (ISS). Their objective? To push the boundaries of human endurance, exploring how long-term space travel affects the body, mind, and relationships. It was an unprecedented experiment, and Kelly’s vivid account of the experience, Endurance: My Year in Space, a Lifetime of Discovery, offers profound insights into what it takes to survive in the harshest of conditions.
As I devoured Kelly’s book, I couldn’t help but notice the striking parallels between his year in space and the expat journey. Learning a new language, navigating cultural differences, enduring the ache of separation from loved ones—sound familiar? While life in a foreign culture isn’t quite as extreme as space travel, the lessons Kelly shares resonate deeply. Today, I want to unpack some of those lessons with you, offering tools to help expats not just survive but thrive.
Articles on The Prepared Expat may contain affiliate links that help support this site at no cost to you. The Prepared Expat articles do not constitute legal, medical, or financial advice and should not replace consultation with a qualified professional. See full disclosures & disclaimers.
Missing and appreciating things
Expats know deprivation; to be in a new place is to experience the unique joys and foods and sights of that new location, but it’s also to miss the sights and sensations of the old. Kelly writes of his experience:
I’ve learned that nothing feels as amazing as water. The night my plane landed in Houston and I finally got to go home, I did exactly what I’d been saying all along I would do: I walked in the front door, walked out the back door, and jumped into my swimming pool, still in my flight suit. The sensation of being immersed in water for the first time in a year is impossible to describe.
I’ve learned that grass smells great and wind feels amazing and rain is a miracle. I will try to remember how magical these things are for the rest of my life.
Scott Kelly, Endurance: My Year in Space, a Lifetime of Discovery, page 417 (top) and 419 (bottom).
Few expats have given up being immersed in water, grass, wind, or rain—though, depending on your climate, you may have given up some of those. We all have given up something, though.
What I love about Kelly’s quote, though, is that he recognizes what he has missed, made a plan to enjoy it again when he returns home, and appreciates it with a new joy and beauty since his absence. I bet you can relate.
As I prepare to return to the US for a visit soon, I’m working with my kids by assembling our own list of things we miss and want to do, see, taste, or experience. There’s a really appropriate longing for what is missed, and a great joy when it can be experienced once again. If you do this exercise, whether alone or with your family, you’ll find that odd things make the list. Root Beer floats, for example, was one of the first things my kids named. Playing catch with my Dad. Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. Early morning breakfasts with my family. DiGiorno’s pizza. I can’t wait to get back.
Missing something creates a strange joy when you get to experience it again. Embrace both the longing for it—don’t stuff those emotions or ignore the desire—and a greater appreciation of it when you can enjoy it once again. Healthy expat living both misses, and delights.
Staying calm and in control rather than worrying
It’s rare that expats will face as many truly life-or-death situations as Kelly did on the ISS. There were multiple times where a single mistake could cost his life. Some expats face those situations, but most of us don’t. Still, we all face difficult situations or potential problems, and Kelly’s skills apply to us.
I’ve learned to better compartmentalize, which doesn’t mean forgetting about feelings but instead means focusing on the things I can control and ignoring what I can’t.
Scott Kelly, Endurance: My Year in Space, a Lifetime of Discovery, page 418.
There’s a deeper wisdom here. As an expat, there are dozens of things that you could worry about—health issues of family back home, geopolitical tensions, natural disasters in your passport country, etc.—but there aren’t as many things that you can control. When you are concerned about something and are unable to control it, the result is stress.
If you realize that you do worry about something, but your worry cannot change it at all, it enables you to focus on what you can control. That kind of compartmentalization is critical for emotional health and your long-term thriving as an expat.
Learning the right thing from the right person
“I’ve learned that most problems aren’t rocket science, but when they are rocket science, you should ask a rocket scientist. In other words, I don’t know everything, so I’ve learned to seek advice and counsel and listen to experts” (p. 418).
Scott Kelly, Endurance: My Year in Space, a Lifetime of Discovery, page 418.
As much as you can learn from other expats, you’ll learn far more from locals. They’re the true experts on their language and their culture. If you want to survive and thrive, you need locals in your life with whom you have real, deep, meaningful relationships in which they teach you. That’s often hard to do, especially from expats who come from a more developed country. Too many expats come in with pride, rather than humility, and believe that they’re the experts on how things should be done in a local culture.
When a problem is rocket science, ask a rocket scientist. When you face challenges living in your host culture, ask a local person for help. If that’s hard to do, read about The Humble Expat: How Humility Transforms Expat Life.
The critical value of relationships
Ask an expat what they miss most about their home country and the answer is almost always “people.” Foods, sights, sounds, and smells matter, but nothing like relationships.
I’ve learned how important it is to sit and eat with other people. While I was in space, I saw on TV one day a scene of people sitting down to eat a meal together. The sight moved me with an unexpected yearning.
Scott Kelly, Endurance: My Year in Space, a Lifetime of Discovery, page 418.
Kelly’s desire was not just to be with family, but also to eat while sitting, with plates, at a table—in space, you eat floating, without a table, and from pouches of food. Yet beyond the pragmatics, Kelly missed people and there’s no greater symbol of relationships than meals together.
When you’re in your host culture, eat with locals. Enjoy their food, however different it may be, for meals are central to relationships. And when you’re back in your passport country, eat with your friends and your family. Prioritize meal times together, for that is where relational glue is formed and solidified.
I’ve learned that a year in space contains a lot of contradictions. A year away from someone you love both strains the relationship and strengthens it in new ways.
Scott Kelly, Endurance: My Year in Space, a Lifetime of Discovery, page 419.
Whether it’s family or friends, this is true of expats. After a few years abroad, you’ll find that some relationships don’t stand the strain of time and distance. Those that do, however, become all the more precious, precisely because they endured through the strain and challenge.
Allow some relationships to fade away; be grateful and thankful for the friendship in a season, but recognize it was just for a season.
But for those relationships that endure through the strain: cherish them. Invest in them, especially when you’re back in person with those people. Those relationships will stand the test of time if they’ve stood the test of different time zones, bad internet connections, and infrequent contact. I have several friends where, when I return to my passport country, we pick up as if nothing happened. Invest in those friendships, for they matter.
Be grateful for others
I’ve learned a new empathy for others, including people I don’t know and people I disagree with. I’ve started letting people know I appreciate them, which can sometimes freak them out at first. It’s a bit out of character. But it’s something I’m glad to have gained and hope to keep.
Scott Kelly, Endurance: My Year in Space, a Lifetime of Discovery, page 419-420.
There’s nothing like absence to make you realize the gratitude you feel for people. Express it. Record your gratitude. Then express it when you’re near those people and when you’re far away. It’s not only great for your mental health, it’s vital for the strength and vitality of your relationships which, in turn, is the key for long-term thriving in your host country and meaningful visits to your passport country. See: The Art of Gratitude: An Expat’s Journey to Joy.
Conclusion
Scott Kelly’s year in space reminds us that even in the most challenging circumstances, there’s room for growth, gratitude, and connection. Whether you’re floating in zero gravity or navigating life as an expat, the lessons are clear: appreciate what you’ve lost and regained, stay calm in the face of uncertainty, seek wisdom from others, and invest in relationships that truly matter.
Endurance isn’t just about surviving; it’s about thriving—finding joy, meaning, and perspective in the struggle. If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to read Endurance: My Year in Space, a Lifetime of Discovery. Its lessons might surprise you, and they’ll certainly inspire you to face your own journey with courage and intentionality.
Sign up for my newsletter!
Never miss an article and get free resources I’ve built just for expats, including a free chapter of my book!